two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
