she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
