So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you had me at cake vodka
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
