thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
