"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
