He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
