dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
