Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
