So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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