I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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