note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
