He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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