dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you made out with another girl for some wings
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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