i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
