That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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