Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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