You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
