let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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