I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
