dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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