You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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