If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
