he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
