walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
