Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
