Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dicks are not precious.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
