buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
