So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
