so that wasnt chicken after all
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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