I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
