Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
