Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
