im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Ketchup is God's man juice
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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