I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
