Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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