can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
