I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
