why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
