I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
