Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
