She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
