what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
