we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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