you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
