I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
