I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
