You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
