Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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