Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
