I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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