remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
